Bodily Noise Etiquette….Really!

 

A whole post about bodily noise etiquette?

Really???

I know that burps and…um…“not burps” seem like odd etiquette topics.

In fact, I feel edgy writing about them. If you’ve been part of the Manners Mentor family for even a week you know “edgy” isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think, “Maralee.”

I’m as straight as 6:00!

In truth, talking about bathroom things can get foul. (Pardon the possible pun.) It’s like two kid brothers whispering and snickering in the backseat of the mini-van. I have two boys. Trust me, bathroom talk is the verbal thread of boyhood.

In regards to this post, you don’t need to cringe, or shield your children. These savvy skills will help you in your time of etiquette crisis whether you’re 6 or 46. In fact, you’ll want to share these skills with your family. Although, probably not over dinner.

Wondering why I chose this topic?

I want you to be able to count on me as the friend and mentor to share with you how to shine in ANY situation.

That’s my brand of etiquette.

Our Manners Mentor family is where the ivory towers of etiquette meet your everyday lives.

This topic is essential information for your social skill success, and for you I’ll come out of my comfort zone!

If you think about it, we’re held hostage when it comes to bodily noises. We can choose to control our words, our thoughts, our attitudes, our actions, and our beliefs.

Our intestinal tracts, well…they’re going to do what they’re going to do without seeking wise counsel from our more controlled and genteel side prior to their public outbursts.

When this happens, our dignity is left paralyzed with doubt about the right course of action to recover from our body’s betrayal.

Those around us are equally embarrassed and perplexed about how to respond, or if they should respond at all.

As your Manners Mentor (Thank you, by the way, for allowing me that honor. I’m grateful for the trust and friendship we share!), and in the interest of your dignity, below in easy bullet points, you’ll find the solution for both what to do when you’re intestinal tract has betrayed you, and when you’re the innocent bystander.

Oh, before I forget, when you’re finished reading the etiquette tips, I’d consider it a dear favor if you’d take a minute to read my personal update that follows. It’s some big news and an invitation!

Bodily Noise Etiquette

Burping

Let’s start with the lesser of the evils, shall we, and work our way up (or would that be down?)!

Everyone, I guess this would even include the Queen herself, burps. There’s no reason to be overly embarrassed. Exchange the energy you would spend on embarrassment for handling the situation with ease, confidence, and a little savvy!

When you feel a burp coming on, follow these four steps:

1. Keep your lips closed and try to be as quiet as possible.

2. Take your left hand (your right hand if you’re left-handed) and make a fist. Raise your fist to your mouth and burp into the part where your thumb and first (pointer) finger circle one another.

3. Turn your head to one shoulder or the other as you burp into your fist. Which side to turn your head? Well, if there’s no one on a particular side, choose that side. If there’s someone on both sides, you’ve got a choice to make. Who will mind the least? If your neighbor is on your right, and your husband is on your left, turn your head to your left. It’s no disrespect; it just goes with being family!

4. Say, “Pardon me!” to no one in particular but so that anyone who heard you burp will also hear your confession.

If you’re near someone who burps:

· The less said the better. Simply smile a little smile that says, “Been there, done that!” Do this well and you’re going to be a hero!

· If you feel you must say something (really, though, you don’t have to say anything), a simple, “Of course” or ”Sure” is all that’s needed.

Passing Gas

Yes, I know; I didn’t even like typing the words. This is the bodily function people dread happening to them or anyone near them. I wish there was a magic wand to make it all go away, but of course there isn’t. Here are the tips that will help you handle it as well as possible next time.

If you pass gas:

· Passing gas is called a “social unmentionable.” That means no matter what, shhh! We don’t mention it in adult company!

· If you’re at home with family or out with one or two dear friends and you feel you must say something, then simply say, “Pardon me.” But really, you don’t have to say a word! (Doesn’t that make you feel better?)

· When in a crowd or with strangers, usually never mention it. “Owning it” is not actually the best choice. Because it’s a social unmentionable, it’s really best not to draw attention to it.

If you’re with someone who passes gas:

· If the person who passes the gas says, “Excuse me.” Simply give a little smile the same as with a burp and be quick to carry on the conversation you were having prior to the incident.

· Passing gas is embarrassing for the offender and the offended. Resist the urge to say anything or to laugh at the expense of the other person.

· If the smell becomes bothersome simply say, “Excuse me” and leave the room without explanation. When you return, no explanation is needed either.

For families:

· At home with your children, you might want to establish a rule that makes them apologize quickly when around family members. Otherwise, a lengthy and giggle-filled game of “I didn’t do it; he did!” is likely to frequently erupt!

· When in public, as long as your child wasn’t doing it on purpose, whether he or she burps or passes gas, it’s just as embarrassing for little ones as it is for us. It’s kind to teach them the “adult etiquette” listed here and allow them to follow it.

Finally:

Well….there you have it, what to do if you’re the offender or the offended. Simple skills with big rewards when it comes to handling these embarrassing but inevitable situations with ease, confidence and with your dignity in tact!  

Personal Update:

You are missed and I love hearing from you! Click on over to the blog and say, “Hello” so I know you’re still around. Also, if you have any friends who might enjoy the blog, this would be a great post to use to introduce them. It’s etiquette, but definitely not stuffy! Forward it on to them now!

Big news:

I haven’t blogged lately because I’m enveloped full-time-plus in creating what will be the hallmark of my career!

It’s an etiquette curriculum that you’ll soon be able to purchase to become a Manners Mentor® yourself! You’ll receive everything you need to teach children’s etiquette classes for:

• To become a child’s role model and mentor
• To begin or expand your ministry
• To increase your sphere of influence
• For personal fulfillment
• To become your communities media go-to manners expert
• For profit (The income is a great blessing in this tough economy!)

It’s the culmination of 19 years or prayer, faith, expectation, study, careful planning, and hard work on my part. I’m honored to be the author. About 18 months ago I partnered with an amazing development team to bring it all to life.

People who have worked with:

• Disney®
• American Girl®
• Billy Graham Ministries®
• Hermie®
• ….and many others are working side-by-side with me!

What we’re creating is astonishing! It’s fun, modern, meaningful, and memorable! It will be life-changing for future students and their Manners Mentors®.

I’ve been cultivating my life’s garden. Laboring in the fields of words has been hard. It’s almost harvest time. I can’t wait to share the bounty with you in the coming months!

If you have a heart for children and understand they benefit from life-impacting and life-changing etiquette skills, then join me and add being a “Manners Mentor®” to your list of life achievements.

E-mail me today at Info@MannersMentor.com. I’ll let you know as soon as the web site with all the details is up and running!

$100 Checks

Have a friend who might be interested? Tell her about it, and if she e-mails me and becomes a Manners Mentor®, I’ll send you a $100 check as a special thank you! No limit to how many $100 checks you could receive, so share the news with all your friends!

 Facebook! Facebook! Facebook!

Are you part of our facebook family? I share a tip a day and we have tons of fun conversations. If you’re not part of the facebook page click over to facebook and, join now! In only seven months our little family has grown to over 1200!

You’ll find me at www.facebook.com/manners.mentor. Or just type “Maralee McKee  Manners Mentor” into the facebook search box.

See you on facebook today and back here with another blog post as soon as I can!

Many blessings and great gratitude,

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7 Ways to Shine as a Party Guest & an Update on My Son

Greetings!

…and we’re off! It didn’t take long for Christmas to get into full gear this year, did it?

It seems like I just put the last of my Thanksgiving platters back in the china cabinet and already Christmas stockings are hung by the fireplace and social invitations are hung on the refrigerator door!

Between friends, family, work, school, and church you, and I are in full party mode, aren’t we?

That’s either good news or bad, depending on our outlook.

Watching TV news the other day, I discovered I had been wrong about something for years. There are more introverts than extroverts. I’d always thought it was vice-versa.

This trivial detail made me leap for joy. (Well… I didn’t actually leap, but I would have if I was a leaping sort of person.)

You see, I’m an introvert. I’ve always kind-of seen that as a bit of a flaw. Something I wish I could change about myself. Because I’m on radio and TV, and I’m comfortable talking to large audiences in public, people assume that I’m in my element at any party.

Not so!

I enjoy people. I’m naturally inclined to like you, and I’ve learned how to start and hold any conversation, but I need a lot of alone time to refuel my party engine.

Parties, well… it takes a lot of energy for me to make merry for hours. If I would let my natural instincts take over, I’d stay inside every evening this Christmas season, warm and cozy in my PJs, quietly taking in the beauty of the Christmas tree.

Etiquette has been a saving grace. I’ve learned how to interact with ease and graciousness. Knowing I’m putting myself out there in the best light has made things less stressful for me. Through purposeful effort and time, it’s replaced my natural introvert dread with, “I know how to do this. I’ll make it a great evening!”

Whether you’re like me, a member of the majority introvert party who needs a little nudging before knocking on the hostess' door, or an extrovert figuring out if you could squeeze in two parties Friday night instead of just one, this post is for you!

Here are seven tips for being a welcomed party guest. Put these into practice and what your hostess and the other guests will remember most about you is that you were one of the most gracious, warm, and welcomed parts of the party!

7 Top Tips for Being a Great Party Guest:

1. Be among the first to let your hostess know you’re coming. Did you know that 30 years ago, adding RSVP to an invitation was considered insulting? True! You see, asking you to respond to an invitation implied that maybe you weren’t going to do it on your own.

Times change; now we have to put a date for other to RSVP by, send three e-mails, and leave two voice messages, hoping to get a reply. It’s a shame that we have to track down others to see if they’re going to accept our kindness. No one likes having to do it, so don’t be one of the “nonresponders.”

First responders are always heroes. Respond to an invitation the day you receive it. Responding quickly shows you were glad to be included. Waiting sends the message, “Your event isn’t at the top of my list. I’ll get to you when I get to you.”

2. Dress the part. Every hostess sets a stage. It’s in the formalness or casualness of her invitation, the menu and music she chooses, and the guests she brings together. It’s the party -oer's job to come in "costume." If your hostess is planning a formal affair, rise to the occasion and dress the part. If she’s hosting a causal get-together, don’t overdress and make her feel like a frump at her own party.

When you don’t know what to wear, ask. Don’t worry; asking doesn’t make you seem socially unknowing; it shows you care enough to want her party to be everything she pictured.

3. Try the food. This is a biggie. A real biggie! Your hostess has spent hours deciding what to serve, lots of money buying it, and too many hours preparing it. Please taste it.

But you say, “I’m on a diet.” I know. Me too, actually. (Although I’m starting to think that my extra ten pounds have moved in with a ten-year lease.)

The last thing to say when offered food is, “I’m already full” or “No thank you. I’m cutting back.” (Unless of course you’re allergic or diabetic.)

I’m not suggesting you horde the cheesecake and devour it in one sitting--just that you take at least a small portion of one or two items and enjoy a few bites.

When someone cooks for you, they put a piece of themselves out there. Will it taste good? Will they enjoy it? Did I make the right food choices? Not partaking of the food when he or she has put thought and time into it is like being kissed by your husband and not kissing back.

The food is the hostesses gift to you. Partake of it with enthusiasm.

4. Introduce yourself to anyone you don’t know. If it’s not a large party, try introducing yourself to every guest. Even if you’re an introvert, this is easy once you do it a few times and enjoy the positive results.

Make eye-contact, stand-up, smile, extend your hand to shake, and say, “Hello, I’m (first name) (last name.)” When the other person tells you his or her name, all you need to say in response is, “It’s nice to meet you (first name).” Simple, savvy, sincere!

Next, ask how he or she knows the host or hostess. Great conversations begin with finding common ground. Obviously, you both know the host, so that’s your first connection point. Ninety-nine percent of the time, an organic conversation will evolve out of that one little question.

5. Compliment the hostess. She’s put effort into the event; let her know her work hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated. Compliment her on the food and her Christmas decorations if you can.

You don’t have to make things up. Just look carefully; there’s something you can compliment. The color of green she painted her kitchen, how cute her dog is, how beautiful a piece of art work is…you get the idea.

If her food and decorations are a hit, don’t be shy about piling on the compliments. It means you’re the type of person who takes notice and shares praise. Those are two fine traits!

6. Don’t take on the role of maid, but use a coaster and clean up after yourself. If the hostess is juggling this party all on her own and she doesn’t have a serving crew (Oh, to be able to host a catered party! Actually, I love making the food; I just would enjoy someone to help serve it and clean up when the party was done!), lend a hand so her house doesn’t look like a gang of sugar hyped-up second-graders spent an hour alone in the family room.

The hostess has her hands full talking to all the guests and seeing that food and drinks are refilled. It’s nice to take your plates, napkins, glasses, and so on to the kitchen. You can throw paper products away and leave the other items in the sink or on the counter.

7. Show your appreciation when you leave and again the next day. At the door, express what a lovely evening you had and how happy you were to be included.

If you know the hostess, call the next day, and talk to her or leave a voice mail telling her again what a great party she threw. (Send a thank-you note to all hostesses within one week of the party.)

Parties, large or small, are work. Even though they’re efforts of love, your friend will appreciate knowing that her planning and work came together to make a memorable event.

Letting her know is your gift back to her!

McKee Family Update!

What a difference a year makes!

It was one year ago now that Corbett, our youngest son, was diagnosed with two forms of profound dyslexia, one form of severe dyslexia, and eye problems that can’t be corrected through glasses or surgery. In the span of 60 short minutes, he went from being just “Corbett” to being a “special needs” child. The suddenness of it all was too much for Kent and I to inhale.

He had just come off a six-week case of severe mono that landed him in the hospital, and we we’re exhausted and self-righteously thinking we had just paid our “parental dues” for the year. This pronouncement was more than we owed.

Last year at this time I had a weekly newsletter that went out to several thousand people. (This blog just started in April.) Letters poured in--pages of love, prayer, support, and stories of your own battles with severe dyslexia and stories of your children.

Here’s a link to that article: http://www.mannersmentorblog.com/2008/12/new-diagnosis-for-corbett-new-journey.html. I got to thinking of it when I received a call last week from a lady standing right now where I stood a year ago. I could feel her pain; I understood her shock, her sorrow, her uncertainty, even her anger.

It’s hard being a mom and having to come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard we try, no matter how much money we pay, no matter how many specialists we team with, our little ones are wired differently.

Do you want to know what I’ve really, truly learned this year? Sometimes things aren’t perfect, but perfection is over rated.

I would take away my little guy's struggles in an instant if I could. But, I can’t. So, I’m doing all I can to help him, leaning on Christ for the rest, and expecting great, unexpected things for and from my precious little guy.

You see it’s easy to excel when you have an extra dose of educational talent like so many of his friends. It’s a miracle to excel when you have so much to overcome. Last year I prayed for an instant miracle. My request wasn’t denied; it was just redesigned.

This year I understand that I have my own miracle man. My request has been granted. It’s just that my miracle will unfold inch-by-inch over the next 12 years of school and beyond into college and throughout his life.

I would have preferred an instant fix, but I’ve decided to be grateful and excited for my miracle. I get to experience it new every day.


Hugs to you! Blessings, too!

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