7 Ways to Shine as a Party Guest & an Update on My Son

Greetings!

…and we’re off! It didn’t take long for Christmas to get into full gear this year, did it?

It seems like I just put the last of my Thanksgiving platters back in the china cabinet and already Christmas stockings are hung by the fireplace and social invitations are hung on the refrigerator door!

Between friends, family, work, school, and church you, and I are in full party mode, aren’t we?

That’s either good news or bad, depending on our outlook.

Watching TV news the other day, I discovered I had been wrong about something for years. There are more introverts than extroverts. I’d always thought it was vice-versa.

This trivial detail made me leap for joy. (Well… I didn’t actually leap, but I would have if I was a leaping sort of person.)

You see, I’m an introvert. I’ve always kind-of seen that as a bit of a flaw. Something I wish I could change about myself. Because I’m on radio and TV, and I’m comfortable talking to large audiences in public, people assume that I’m in my element at any party.

Not so!

I enjoy people. I’m naturally inclined to like you, and I’ve learned how to start and hold any conversation, but I need a lot of alone time to refuel my party engine.

Parties, well… it takes a lot of energy for me to make merry for hours. If I would let my natural instincts take over, I’d stay inside every evening this Christmas season, warm and cozy in my PJs, quietly taking in the beauty of the Christmas tree.

Etiquette has been a saving grace. I’ve learned how to interact with ease and graciousness. Knowing I’m putting myself out there in the best light has made things less stressful for me. Through purposeful effort and time, it’s replaced my natural introvert dread with, “I know how to do this. I’ll make it a great evening!”

Whether you’re like me, a member of the majority introvert party who needs a little nudging before knocking on the hostess' door, or an extrovert figuring out if you could squeeze in two parties Friday night instead of just one, this post is for you!

Here are seven tips for being a welcomed party guest. Put these into practice and what your hostess and the other guests will remember most about you is that you were one of the most gracious, warm, and welcomed parts of the party!

7 Top Tips for Being a Great Party Guest:

1. Be among the first to let your hostess know you’re coming. Did you know that 30 years ago, adding RSVP to an invitation was considered insulting? True! You see, asking you to respond to an invitation implied that maybe you weren’t going to do it on your own.

Times change; now we have to put a date for other to RSVP by, send three e-mails, and leave two voice messages, hoping to get a reply. It’s a shame that we have to track down others to see if they’re going to accept our kindness. No one likes having to do it, so don’t be one of the “nonresponders.”

First responders are always heroes. Respond to an invitation the day you receive it. Responding quickly shows you were glad to be included. Waiting sends the message, “Your event isn’t at the top of my list. I’ll get to you when I get to you.”

2. Dress the part. Every hostess sets a stage. It’s in the formalness or casualness of her invitation, the menu and music she chooses, and the guests she brings together. It’s the party -oer's job to come in "costume." If your hostess is planning a formal affair, rise to the occasion and dress the part. If she’s hosting a causal get-together, don’t overdress and make her feel like a frump at her own party.

When you don’t know what to wear, ask. Don’t worry; asking doesn’t make you seem socially unknowing; it shows you care enough to want her party to be everything she pictured.

3. Try the food. This is a biggie. A real biggie! Your hostess has spent hours deciding what to serve, lots of money buying it, and too many hours preparing it. Please taste it.

But you say, “I’m on a diet.” I know. Me too, actually. (Although I’m starting to think that my extra ten pounds have moved in with a ten-year lease.)

The last thing to say when offered food is, “I’m already full” or “No thank you. I’m cutting back.” (Unless of course you’re allergic or diabetic.)

I’m not suggesting you horde the cheesecake and devour it in one sitting--just that you take at least a small portion of one or two items and enjoy a few bites.

When someone cooks for you, they put a piece of themselves out there. Will it taste good? Will they enjoy it? Did I make the right food choices? Not partaking of the food when he or she has put thought and time into it is like being kissed by your husband and not kissing back.

The food is the hostesses gift to you. Partake of it with enthusiasm.

4. Introduce yourself to anyone you don’t know. If it’s not a large party, try introducing yourself to every guest. Even if you’re an introvert, this is easy once you do it a few times and enjoy the positive results.

Make eye-contact, stand-up, smile, extend your hand to shake, and say, “Hello, I’m (first name) (last name.)” When the other person tells you his or her name, all you need to say in response is, “It’s nice to meet you (first name).” Simple, savvy, sincere!

Next, ask how he or she knows the host or hostess. Great conversations begin with finding common ground. Obviously, you both know the host, so that’s your first connection point. Ninety-nine percent of the time, an organic conversation will evolve out of that one little question.

5. Compliment the hostess. She’s put effort into the event; let her know her work hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated. Compliment her on the food and her Christmas decorations if you can.

You don’t have to make things up. Just look carefully; there’s something you can compliment. The color of green she painted her kitchen, how cute her dog is, how beautiful a piece of art work is…you get the idea.

If her food and decorations are a hit, don’t be shy about piling on the compliments. It means you’re the type of person who takes notice and shares praise. Those are two fine traits!

6. Don’t take on the role of maid, but use a coaster and clean up after yourself. If the hostess is juggling this party all on her own and she doesn’t have a serving crew (Oh, to be able to host a catered party! Actually, I love making the food; I just would enjoy someone to help serve it and clean up when the party was done!), lend a hand so her house doesn’t look like a gang of sugar hyped-up second-graders spent an hour alone in the family room.

The hostess has her hands full talking to all the guests and seeing that food and drinks are refilled. It’s nice to take your plates, napkins, glasses, and so on to the kitchen. You can throw paper products away and leave the other items in the sink or on the counter.

7. Show your appreciation when you leave and again the next day. At the door, express what a lovely evening you had and how happy you were to be included.

If you know the hostess, call the next day, and talk to her or leave a voice mail telling her again what a great party she threw. (Send a thank-you note to all hostesses within one week of the party.)

Parties, large or small, are work. Even though they’re efforts of love, your friend will appreciate knowing that her planning and work came together to make a memorable event.

Letting her know is your gift back to her!

McKee Family Update!

What a difference a year makes!

It was one year ago now that Corbett, our youngest son, was diagnosed with two forms of profound dyslexia, one form of severe dyslexia, and eye problems that can’t be corrected through glasses or surgery. In the span of 60 short minutes, he went from being just “Corbett” to being a “special needs” child. The suddenness of it all was too much for Kent and I to inhale.

He had just come off a six-week case of severe mono that landed him in the hospital, and we we’re exhausted and self-righteously thinking we had just paid our “parental dues” for the year. This pronouncement was more than we owed.

Last year at this time I had a weekly newsletter that went out to several thousand people. (This blog just started in April.) Letters poured in--pages of love, prayer, support, and stories of your own battles with severe dyslexia and stories of your children.

Here’s a link to that article: http://www.mannersmentorblog.com/2008/12/new-diagnosis-for-corbett-new-journey.html. I got to thinking of it when I received a call last week from a lady standing right now where I stood a year ago. I could feel her pain; I understood her shock, her sorrow, her uncertainty, even her anger.

It’s hard being a mom and having to come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard we try, no matter how much money we pay, no matter how many specialists we team with, our little ones are wired differently.

Do you want to know what I’ve really, truly learned this year? Sometimes things aren’t perfect, but perfection is over rated.

I would take away my little guy's struggles in an instant if I could. But, I can’t. So, I’m doing all I can to help him, leaning on Christ for the rest, and expecting great, unexpected things for and from my precious little guy.

You see it’s easy to excel when you have an extra dose of educational talent like so many of his friends. It’s a miracle to excel when you have so much to overcome. Last year I prayed for an instant miracle. My request wasn’t denied; it was just redesigned.

This year I understand that I have my own miracle man. My request has been granted. It’s just that my miracle will unfold inch-by-inch over the next 12 years of school and beyond into college and throughout his life.

I would have preferred an instant fix, but I’ve decided to be grateful and excited for my miracle. I get to experience it new every day.


Hugs to you! Blessings, too!

Read the full article »

Six Easy Tips for Knowing What to Wear

Eek! What am I going to wear?

Is your initial joy in receiving an invitation quickly sucked away by that thought? Mine usually is.

We’ve all been there!

We know our clothes introduce us and speak for us from across the room before we have a chance to say our first word. We want to look good, even to stand out, as long as it’s for our good choice and not for a “What is she wearing?” whisper between two guests.

In the good ol’ days… say 15 years ago, knowing what to wear to any social event was pretty much no stress.

There were about four different categories of attire, each with easy-to-define guidelines that made getting ready for our grownup gatherings as easy as dressing our little ones in Garanimals!

Then, someone, somewhere decided that individuality and clever labels for suggested attire like “Hollywood Casual” and “Urban Chic” trumped the comfort of the predictability of mutual agreed upon norms like “Business” or “Black tie” and threw away the guidelines.

It's all too much, and since there's no public agreement on what these new labels mean, most of them are useless for helping you and me look our best.

The guests that come dressed-up to the party look at the guests wearing khakis and sweaters and say, “I’m way overdressed.”

The khaki crowd feels every synapse in their bodies twitter while they glance at their fellow guests in cocktail dresses and four-inch heels and internally mumble, “I didn’t know I was supposed to dress up for this. I look like a frump.”

Oh, for the good ol’ days of mutually known norms!

Let’s bring them back!

We’ll start with you and me. Then the rest of the world just might chose to join us once they experience how much more fun a party is when you don’t spend days trying to decide what to wear, and then the whole party wishing you had chosen something different.

Enough of that!

You know me; I’m about helping you shine while keeping it easy and gracious. With that in mind, I made a simple, savvy, keep-forever list for translating dress codes and knowing what to wear to look your best!

When different labels mean the same thing, I've listed them on the same line. They cover 99% of events and help you translate an invitation's dress code to know that you’re in tune with the host’s expectations and with what the other guests will be wearing.

Now you can relax and enjoy your party!

Six Labels Defined From Casual to Dressy

1. Casual: Most men's favorite! You can pretty much dress like you're going to the Florida vs. Georgia game! Shorts, jeans, tee-shirts, flip-flops, etc.Just keep in mind your hosts. If they tend to dress up more than down, you'll want to mirror that when you're getting dressed.

2. Semi-Casual/Business Casual: This label isn’t as causal as you think it might be. No denim for anyone. Blazers or sports coats for men are great, no shorts for men, no khakis for women, although they're fine for men.Keep in mind you don't want to wear anything you wouldn't wear to a traditional office on a day when you were going to be seeing clients or customers.3. Business: This is the most misunderstood label. Suits and ties for men, suits (either skirts or pants) for women, dress shoes, well accessorized.Depending on your field of work, this might be more formal than what you wear on a day-to-day basis. Think Donald Trump or any First Lady. Dress like you're interviewing for a six-figure job!

4. Semi-formal/Cocktail: For men: dark suits and white shirts, silk ties in more formal-looking patterns. For women: the classic little black dress or an outfit (skirt and blouse or pants and a blouse) of a silky, satin, or other light fabric, highest heels you can comfortably wear, sparkling jewelry. Usually no long dresses.

5. Formal/Black Tie: Go all out with all the sizzle you want, but keep in mind that understated usually makes the best statement. Dinner jacket (tuxedo) for men; long dress for women. Think walking the red carpet at the Oscars(R)!

6. White Tie: Something most of us will never see on our invitations. Requires men to wear a white bow tie and a white dinner jacket with tails. Ladies must wear a long dress with long white gloves. Think dining with the Queen at Buckingham Palace. Even the White House now hosts just one or two "White Tie" events each year. These evenings are usually to honor visiting dignitaries, the Pope, or the like.

A Quick McKee Family Update:

Hope you and your family are enjoying the start of the Christmas Season! I’m busy decorating the house and working hard on the curriculum and the Apple iPhone app I have coming out for you next year.

Are you on facebook? Come join our “Manners Matter” family! There are over 800 women who love spending a minute or two together each day enjoying a new tip! It’s loads of fun! You can find us at www.facebook.com/manners.mentor. Please join me! It will be more fun with you there!

I’ll be back next week with the Top Five Hostess Tips for Memory-Making Parties! See you then, and on facebook everyday!

Blessings,

Read the full article »

Trick or Treat Manners for Kids and Grown-Ups!

Greetings!

It’s always great connecting with you! I haven’t been around much lately, and I miss being with you! Where have I been hiding? No place exotic I’m sad to report. I’m in my home office writing a gigantic youth etiquette curriculum, adult etiquette books, a children’s book series, and even… an Apple iPhone app! Add in cooking, cleaning, and general mom duties, and well, honestly, even though I wake up and get working at 5:00 AM most days, there just isn’t a spare minute for blogging. Not that I’m complaining; I just don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten about you. That will never happen! I look forward to being back with you on a regular schedule as soon as I can!

Are you on Facebook? If so, you can connect with me daily. You’ll find me at my public page www.facebook.com/manners.mentor. There I give a super fast, super savvy, and super sincere tip of the day for interacting with ease and grace in all your encounters. It’s a fun conversation back and forth and in less than three months we have over 600 page family members. If you haven’t already, click over right now and join the fun!

Today’s post is actually a repeat from last year, but since Halloween is this week, I thought it was well worth repeating. Whether you participate in trick-or-treating or not, you'll enjoy these practical points. I've broken them into three parts:

Part One: Tips written in kid friendly-language to share with your children!

Part Two: Accompanying your children while they go door-to-door? You'll want all these tips for bringing out the best in your little ones as they stand on your neighbors' front porches!

Part Three: Staying home to give out candy to all the trick-or-treaters? These tips will help you make happy memories for all your little guests!

Candy, Costumes, and Camaraderie

The last few days have been full of pleading in the McKee home, all in anticipation of 90 minutes of candy gathering later this week. The event, of course, is Trick-or-Treat.

My six-year-old is pleading to have a "real" astronaut suit, not a costume. The eBay bid price on what my little guy considers a real suit was $52.99 and rising as quickly as a Delta Rocket.

My twelve-year-old is flustered trying to decide if he's too old to dress in costume, but just in case he decides to, he doesn't understand why I won't pay $68.99 for the latest Star Wars costume, which, by the way, looks to me, exactly like the one we bought him last year that still fits.

While we're careful in our family to steer clear of celebrating Halloween as a holiday, we do let our boys dress up and have their moment in the spotlight in front of their friends and neighbors, parading around in their costumes just like we did years ago.

This year, we'll follow the same plan as always. We'll host an early dinner at our house with some of the boys' friends, followed by an hour or so at a church Fall Festival, and back home by 7:15 PM for an hour of trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.

With input from my children, and my own mom observations, here's the Etiquette Answer that will make sure trick-or-treating is a treat for children, parents, and neighbors alike!

Part One: Trick-or-Treat Manners to Share with Your Children

(Written in child-friendly language!)

Always assume there's a one-piece limit on taking candy from the bowl.

Make a quick decision! If Mom or Dad can count to "seven" before the candy is in your bag, you're taking too long.

If you don't like the candy being offered, take a piece anyway, and say, "Thank-you!"

Don't say anything negative about the candy you're being offered, and don't ask if the people have anything else. You'll hurt their feelings.

Don't search through the candy bowl looking for "the good stuff." Take a piece from the top and move out of the way to make room for the next kids approaching the door.

Remember, no one reads your mind. Your neighbors don't know you appreciate their kindness unless you tell them. Look each person who gives you candy in the eye, smile, and say, "Thank you for the candy!"

Make sure your voice is loud enough for the person to hear you say, "Thank you."

As I told my son when he was six and "forgot" to say "Thank-you" at each house: If you're not old enough to remember to say "Thank-you" without being reminded, then maybe you're not old enough to go trick-or-treating.

If the front door light isn't on, or if the window blinds are closed, skip the house. A dark, closed house is the silent signal that the homeowner isn't going to be giving out candy this year.

Don't touch the decorations or play with anything on the front porch.

Knock or ring the doorbell once, twice at the most. After that, leave if no one comes to the door.

Even though you want to get from house to house quickly, stay on the sidewalk and driveways, and stay off people's grass, shrubs, and flowers. This is one way you show respect for others.

If you're going to go trick-or-treating, then you have to wear a costume. It's part of the tradition.

Part Two: Just for Mom and Dad

Don't carpool your children to another neighborhood unless a friend or relative lives there. People buy candy based on the amount used last year. A few minivans of unexpected children can cause the host to run out of candy in no time.

When escorting your children, keep your costume at home. It distracts from the little ones' spotlight.

The trick-or-treating hour is all too brief in the minds of our kids. It's fine to talk to the other adults walking with you, but keep chit-chat at the neighbors' doors to a minimum. Nothing is more frustrating that night to a nine-year-old than feeling he's being "slowed down" by Mom conducting a neighborhood association meeting.

Once your child is six or older and you're confident they're remembering their "Please" and "Thank-you," stay on the neighbor's driveway or the end of their sidewalk and shine your flashlight in the direction of their front door. It lets strangers know you're right there, and gives your children the illusion they're on their own. I read once that, "No one ever was scared by the Headless Horseman and his dad."

In the days leading up to candy night, role-play with your children on what to say and how to respond at the front door of neighbors' homes. They'll feel more confident on opening night if they've had several trial runs.

Once the door is opened, don't prompt your child about what to say. If they aren't quickly forthcoming with the "right" words, say something like this, "Zach's a little shy this evening. I'm sure he wants to say, 'Thank you very much for the candy.'" This reinforces for Zach the best thing to say, and the more he hears you say it and the kind responses you receive from saying it, the more verbal courage he'll gain to say it for himself.

Nothing's more awkward for the child, parent, or neighbor than a mom or dad at the front door echoing the refrain, "Brooke, what do say? Come on now we've practiced this. Brooke, I'm serious, you need to say, 'Thank you.'"

Don't take groups of more than five or six children out together. The larger the group, the louder and more rambunctious they tend to be, and the harder it is for the children to maneuver at the front doors. It's a good idea to break large groups of friends into two smaller ones, each visiting a different neighbor first, with a 90-second or so gap between the two groups.

Part Three: For Those Handing Out Candy at Home

Make it obvious that you're "Open for Business." Turn on all the lights in the front of your house, turn on the porch light, and open all your blinds.

Secure all pets in another room. You know that little Gizmo wouldn't hurt anyone, but the four-year-old at the door isn't so sure.

Don't dress in a costume yourself, especially a scary or gruesome one. Children expect the door to be opened by a friendly-looking grown-up, not a vampire.

If you don't participate in the night's festivities, that's fine. To avoid confusion, just make sure you're house is dark.

If you choose to take part in the night, do so with a smile. If it's a decision you've made, then it's not an imposition of your time or energy.

If it's OK for the children to take more than one piece of candy, tell them so. "Please take three pieces. I made sure I had plenty."

If you place the candy in the children's bags, don't just toss it in their direction.

It's hard for little ones to bend over in their masks.

Keep your front porch free of anything too spooky or easy for children to stumble over.

Don't comment negatively on a child's costume. Several years ago my son's little friend dressed as the ultimate Florida Gator's fan. At one neighbor's house, a man opened the door, and with a stern voice said, "I shouldn't give candy to someone in that horrible jersey. You need to choose the right team if you want candy from me." In shock, I held the hand of the little boy who was now scared and almost in tears. My husband then informed the man that the six-year-old was wearing a costume chosen for him, not by him, so perhaps he should take his complaint up with the boy's father. The man tossed a piece of candy into each of the boys' buckets and closed the door loudly without saying another word. As we walked down the driveway my son asked, "Mom, is that a bad man like the ones you tell us to look out for?" "Yes, sadly Sweetie, it is.” I replied.

When opening the door, pretend, at least for a moment, that you don't recognize the child. Let him or her know their costume is a great disguise. The last thing the "Darth Vader" at your front door wants to hear is, "Hi, Tyler! Tell you mom I said, 'Hello!'"

Most of all… have a great time! The years go by way too quick. Moms, before we know it, we’ll be holding our grandchildren’s hands, not our children’s anymore.

Now, if you eat any Kit-Kats, think of me, they’re my favorite candy!


Blessings,

Read the full article »

Really Good News That's Hard to Believe!

Greetings!

Hope you’re enjoying the first days of fall. Here in Orlando it doesn’t feel like the cool North Wind is ever going to blow us a kiss. For now, we remain stuck like a scratched record album repeating the same phrase over and over. Instead of lyrics, it’s hot, humid days that hang heavy in the air.

The up side is it helps us appreciate the change of seasons more. When Floridians experiences fall, we embrace it with the glee of being visited by a favorite friend or relative we don’t get to spend nearly enough time with.

What’s New Today?

I wanted to share some good news and an invitation! I also wanted to let you in on an upcoming post.

About two months ago, I started a little fan/public page on Facebook where I share a simple, savvy, sincere tip of the day. It’s a fun page to meet, chat with each other, and spend a moment together each day.

My goal was lofty. (It’s a fault I have. I never can seem to do anything on a small scale. It exasperates my poor family, and I am trying to be a little more scaled back.) I was hoping for 100 people to join the first month. I prayed hard.
The first day I started with 24 people. Who were they? My dearest friends who knew I might hunt them down to join (grin!) and my family who knew I would hunt them down to join (seriously!). 30 days later, I was so happy I was singing out loud, “Oh happy day….” I had surpassed my goal. 107 people had joined our manners family!

Then, the most amazing and wonderful thing began to happen! People from all over the nation started sharing the page with their friends. Soon, our family was growing by 100 people every two weeks or less! We’re not even three months old, and already we have almost 500 family members! For a manners anything, this has never happened!

Are you part of the family?

Come right on over and join! You don’t even need to be on Facebook to be part of the fun! In fact, we’re a large enough public page now that facebook granted us our own URL. You can always find me by typing www.facebook.com/manners.mentor.

Everyone likes their etiquette in small bites, and this daily tip is the perfect size. It’s so much fun! You’ll love the back-and-forth conversation. It’s a great page to share with your friends, family, employees, and co-workers who might enjoy and benefit from the etiquette tips but who might not have the time or desire for our longer blog posts. It’s a great introduction to the skills and benefits of etiquette!

About the blog… super fun!

Coming next week is the first of what I’m calling our “Golden Spoon” posts. Make sure to open it! Etiquette, entertaining, and cooking naturally go together. For the first time, I’m sharing one of my go-to recipes. This one is the perfect entrée for any dinner party. Make it and you’ll be the hostess with the mostess! (Although, it’s so simple and delicious I serve it for family dinners as well.)

Don’t miss today’s tip; join the manners Facebook family at www.facebook.com/manners.mentor and join me here next week for the first ever Golden Spoon Recipe.

You’re special to me!

I hope you know how much I appreciate you! I do what I do for you, and I’m honored that you carve out part of your busy day to spend time with me. It’s my prayer and desire that my posts will give you inspiration, confidence, and enthusiasm to make each day a gracious one!

It would be a joy to have you leave a comment. Each time you click over to the blog and leave a comment there or on the Facebook page, you help the blog grow and spread the message that “Manners Matter Every Day, Everywhere, with Everybody.”

Hugs and blessings,

Read the full article »

Seven Ways to Text with Graciousness and Savvy

Greetings!

Texting etiquette hasn’t reached the heights of the tsunami of texts we send every day because no other technological form of communication has caught on so quickly. It’s easy to see why many have become so smitten.

Texting is the 21st century equivalent of passing a note in class!

It began with students who discovered that electronic notes are more direct and less anxiety-filled than tearing out a sheet of notebook paper, scribbling an “I’ve gotta tell you…” message, folding it securely, and hoping the teacher doesn’t catch you, or that others don’t read your note on its way around the room to your BFF four rows to your left in pre-algebra.

Usually what’s popular with tweens and teens is passé to grownups. Not this time. We might have balked at our kids at first; now we’ve joined them. Those of us over 30 didn’t vote or even hold a town hall meeting, but either through agreement or acquiescence, most of us have joined in. (Have you seen the new Verizon commerical where the teens are getting on to mom and dad for texting? I included it here for you to take a look at.)

Of course, texting in itself isn’t bad or good. It's in how we use it.

It’s kind of like a family of deer. Watching them graze leisurely in a meadow is a delight. Have them prancing full throttle through your living room equals disaster.

I text and I don’t plan to stop. Texting in a place where you’re not with anyone or bothering anyone is fine. However, texting around others or as part of multi-tasking often causes harm.

It’s in the less obvious ways than car crashes (We’re 93% more likely to crash if texting while driving.), or while walking, (a New York City area teen fell into a manhole while texting; luckily, she’s fine now) that texting hurts by depersonalizing our personal encounters.

With every text message sent or received in the presence of others around the family table, the living room sofa, the boardroom, or the grocery store check-out lane, we’re separating our focus from the person in front of us.

Our attention is a gift.

Our full attention is the foundation of every kindhearted, other-centered interaction. Texting alters the continuity, focus, and momentum of our encounters.

It produces anxiety (mild to severe) in the other person, and whether they’re telling you (or even aware of it themselves) or not, they’re attention is apt to desire to focus on someone who pays them back equally.

These are big matters.

If we’re not being careful, texting can hurt our family, our friendships, our business relationships, even our ability to govern.

A recent ruckus in the New York Senate halted agendas because one senator was angry at another for fiddling with his smart phone throughout a meeting.

A Yahoo Hot Jobs poll of 5300 people earlier this year found that 33% of associates admit to texting regularly during meetings. (If 33% admit to it, how many do you think really are doing it? Lot’s more, for sure.)

I’ll never forget, a couple of years ago I was teaching a second-grade class on car manners. When the lesson turned to riding to and from school, the children stunned me. One little guy started, “Mrs. McKee, I don’t talk to my mom on the way home from school. She talks to her friends on her phone. I just get to play my video games.” One after another, almost all 15 children shared how their moms and dads didn’t give them their focus in what should be precious one-on-one time.

The children felt their parents’ lack of attention. None of them ever told their moms it upset them. Each one simply conformed to his mom’s norm and mirrored her by turning to his own electronic gadget to fill the time.

They were alone together.

So what do we do at home, at work, and in our world at large to keep up with technology and to be purposely focused on those physically near us?

Well… first we make ourselves aware that we might be adapting to a new norm of lack of focus on others without even being aware of it.

Second, we stop.

Next, we set down new social standards (etiquettes) for ourselves, our families, and our businesses, for interacting with technology so that we use it to connect with those near us, not disconnect from them.

As I sat down and wrote my list of texting etiquette, I quick as a wink realized it was way too long for this post.

So, here I offer my top seven tips for keeping up with the Joneses while texting without becoming “the guy,” the one who lets technology get in the way of his face-to-face interactions.

Seven Golden Rules for Gracious Texting

1. Think of texts as preludes or follow-ups to conversation, not the conversation itself. Keep them short. More than 160 characters means that a phone call or e-mail is the better way to deliver your message.

2. It’s super easy for your tone to be misunderstood in a text, even more so than an in e-mail. That’s why texts are best left for mundane messages like, “I’m home safely!” or, “See you at 8:00 PM at your house.”

3. Texting while you’re with others is as rude as getting up and leaving them in mid-sentence. Just don’t do it! Also, don’t text in movies, church, meetings, class, or while at someone’s house. Even if your friends have left the area for a moment, or the movie, business meeting, or church service hasn’t started yet, be tuned in to the place you’re at as soon as you enter the area, even in the quiet moments and down time.

4. Texting is the most informal form of communicating. Usually, you don’t want to represent your business or organization or to relay important family news (unless everyone has agreed in advance) in a text message. Call or e-mail instead.

5. Don’t use text lingo and shorthand unless you’re positive (It’s really hard to be positive.) the recipient is fluent in the constantly emerging language of texting. One techno-savvy twenty-something wrongly assumed “LOL” meant “lots of love.” Poor girl, she was heartbroken and embarrassed when she found out the guy on the other end was being rude by “laughing out loud.” He wasn’t sending his love at all.

6. Don’t leave them guessing. If the recipient likely doesn’t have your cell phone number stored in their phone, make sure to let them know who you are before composing the rest of your text. For example: “Sarah (Kim’s mom from school)…”

7. Don’t send texts (or e-mails that go to smart phones) after bedtime. If the recipient forgot to turn their phone to silent before turning in for the night (like my husband has done twice in the last week!), you’ll wake people up at 3:00 AM by the beep of their phone alerting them they have a new message.

8. OK, I know, I said "7 Tips" but this one just has to be said again. Please, please, please, don't ever text, or read a text while driving! Maybe you haven't hurt yourself or anyone yet; but this just could be the time! Don't do it, ever!

Well there it is, like I said, it's just a start! Now it’s your turn!

Help write the chapter on texting etiquette. Comment back and include what you want the world to consider about keeping others first while texting. Feel free to share your texting stories. It just might help someone shine when facing the same dilemma in the midst of their everyday encounters!

A McKee Update!

You have been missed… a whole bunch! It feels good to be back. I kept busy this summer with the boys being home and with writing the giant youth etiquette curriculum that will be out in April or May! (Look for more details about how you can become a Manners Mentor® for ministry, profit, and fun in the weeks ahead!)

Now that my days are free, I’ll be back to blogging about once a week. Our next post will be something new. I’m going to share with you a favorite recipe. It’s what I call one of my collection of “Golden Spoon” go-to’s. I have a short-list of easy impressive dishes I turn to every time I entertain or need a perfect dish to bring to an event. I’m excited to share them with you in the coming months.

Also upcoming, I’ll share podcasts and video segments where I’ll sit and chat and we can learn from being together. So make yourself some coffee or tea and plan on joining me. It will be fun! Now, if I can just overcome my nervousness on the same day that my hair looks half-way decent I'll be set to go!

Are you on Facebook?

I have a new fan page where I share a super short, super savvy tip of the day! We just started and already have over 250 fans! I can hardly beleive it! Come join in the fun! In Facebook type in, “Maralee McKee Manners Mentor” to join the fan page! (You’re also welcome to friend me on my personal page.)

Right Now, come join me in the comment section!

Help write the chapter on texting etiquette for my book! What do you want the world to know?

I appreciate each of you. I hope you know that, but just in case you don’t, consider yourselves much loved!

Blessings!

Read the full article »